Fertilizer Not Failure

Life throws us unexpected curves that can leave us feeling like we’ve failed, disappointed, overwhelmed and burnt out. It’s easier said than done to not want to quit especially when you keep failing and seems like you just can’t get it right no matter how hard you try. At one point it felt like no matter how much of the right thing I was doing I would always fail. Living in the world was starting to seem so much easier. I couldn’t understand why I was always taking lost. I was getting tired of losing. I’m supposed to be a King’s kid and I keep losing. In the midst of everything constantly going wrong I couldn’t understand why I was still fighting. I started to get frustrated and complaining.

“What am I fighting for really? I’m chosen okay I get that I’m supposed to have this huge ministry and influence a bunch of people to Christ. But I can’t see that, I don’t see it no more. So now it feels like I’m fighting for nothing and just swinging at air. Okay this is a test, a long one. I feel like a dummy, I’m more insecure and with no motivation more than ever right now. I don’t see what y’all see in me, I don’t see what God see in me. I’m starting to doubt my calling a little. BUT this is a test right? So I’ll just shut up and keep going and hopefully I’m reminded soon.”

I mean I’m no quitter but I wasn’t really trying to hear “keep going.”  I just wanted the outcome of everything or even some things to be better than what they were. When God spoke I would just listen to hear and not to understand. It wasn’t until weeks later after I complained, I was spending time with God and He started to show me that the failure and all the disappointments I was experiencing was just fertilizer. In order for a plant to grow and thrive it needs a few different chemical elements; air, water and the chemicals in fertilizer. I was healthy and breathing just fine but just like a plant can survive on water, air and regular soil, fertilizer is that extra boost of essential nutrients because most soil doesn’t have those essential nutrients required for optimum growth.  Even if you start with great garden soil, as plants grow, they absorb the nutrients, leaving the soil less fertile.

The soil I was planted in was no longer good enough for me to continue to keep growing stronger in Him, so He needed to add some fertilizer to my life.  All the stinky mess I was experiencing was the nutrients I needed to grow. Although I was seeing this as grounds to quit and give up on God, He was using it as a place of grace. I had to learn to see that this mess I was experiencing was to help me grow. God was gracing me an opportunity to see what I would do out of this mess. 

So, what are you going to do with the mess in your life?

Briana Latriece